"Demands of the Striking Writers"

David Letterman's Top 10 List of "Demands of the Striking Writers" read by writers on Wednesday's show.

10. "Complimentary tote bag with next insulting contract offer" - Tim Carvell from "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart"

9. "No rollbacks in health benefits, so I can treat the hypothermia I caught on the picket lines" - Laura Krafft from "The Colbert Report"

8. "Full salary and benefits for my imaginary writing partner, Lester" - daytime television writer Melissa Salmons

7. "Members of the AMPTP must explain what the hell AMPTP stands for" - Warren Leight from "Law & Order: Criminal Intent"

6. "No disciplinary action taken against any writer caught having inappropriate relationship with a copier" - Jay Katsir from "The Colbert Report"

5. "I'd like a date with a woman" - Steve Bodow from "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart"

4. "Hazard pay for breaking up fights on 'The View'" - writer and director Nora Ephron

3. "I'm no accountant, but instead of us getting 4 cents for a $20 DVD, how about we get $20 for a 4-cent DVD?" - Gina Johnfrido from "Law & Order"

2. "I don't have a joke -- I just want to remind everyone that we're on strike, so none of us are responsible for this lame list" - Chris Albers from "Late Night with Conan O'Brien"

1. "Producers must immediately remove their heads from their a----" - Thurber Award-winning author Alan Zwiebel